Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
