So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
