I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
