I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
