Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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