I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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