My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
