I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
