I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
