OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
