I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
