you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
