Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
