im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The air taste purple.
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