The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
