she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
