So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
