if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
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You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
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You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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