Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize