um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
