You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
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Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
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I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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