I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
