Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I forget how to act sober
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize