Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
