She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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