We're facebook friends in real life
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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