I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
