i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
