I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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