WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize