porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
