we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My orgasm happened in two different decades
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
