And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
