You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
