i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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