i just wanna soil my oats bro
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
