tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
