i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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