it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
