k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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