She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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