He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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