I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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