i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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