proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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