why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
