HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
