I wannas sexs uuuuu
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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