im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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