oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
