3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
