Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
