you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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