They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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