Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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