Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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