i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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